Broken Songbird

When I was six years old I had a vision of my future. I didn’t understand it fully but I kept it close to my heart. It’s been my life’s dream to see that vision fulfilled.

I am a simple girl. Love, hope, compassion – these are the things I am made of. I always thought that when I sang it was more than just words coming out of me but a blessing or hope to someone who needed it. I had a secret wish that people felt loved when I sang for them. I think the dreamer in me still believes that.


The more people I come to know the more I have found that a dreaming heart draws many arrows. Why is that? What makes a dreamer such a threat? The stories we have heard from childhood are happy endings that do not prepare us for the real wolves of the world. The dragons with teeth and nasty words and ball bats hiding behind fake smiles… they are real and they hurt people. They hurt me…

Where is the Cinderella story that is more realistic? She gets locked in the tower for ten years and escapes only after the Prince has stopped looking for her and moved on. Her youth gone and no one knows that she exists. I never heard that version. Where does she go from there? Can she find hope after her dreams are shattered? Does she hang on to her dream or except the reality of the new world she’s in, no big rainbow weddings and fairies to bless her? Hope seems downright dangerous then doesn’t it? The realistic friend will be standing next to her whispering, “Be realistic, being a maidservant ain’t so bad.”

Being in a hard time myself I have had to ask for help. Begging family and friends to help us out of trouble. I was shocked to find so many people struggling to eat and pay basic bills. Smart, hard working people, who don’t deserve what has happened to them. I feel like the world around me is collapsing like a house of cards.

What does a broken songbird do to help anyone when she can’t seem to help herself?

I am torn between several actions at the moment.
a. crying ‘woe is me’ and crawling into a pit
b. wishing I had the strength to sing some love on people and believing it still worked
c. become a realist and be content to put my dream away forever
d. begging God for mercy on the hurting people of the world

I have already tried (a) without success but maybe I’ll probe further into the others and share my findings.

Desperately seeking harmony,

Leah Michelle Banicki

Romantic men

Doing research for my book. It's summer and I have a nasty cold. To cheer myself up I decided to find a leading man for my romance novel. I am calling it "Oregon trail" for now, working title only. A young girl becomes widowed on the Oregon trail and finds inner strength and love in the frontier. (basic summary)

I browsed through hundreds of old photos to find inspiration for my male love interests. Found lots with icky beards... i like beards but these were long!

Here are some picks that had potential.

1.


















2.


















So what do you think? Kept my mind off of being sick. It would interesting to know what you think is handsome. Send pics...

leah banicki

Waking Up

Waking up
Finding I am in a place I don't like.
Talking with God and realizing I had let people tell me I was unworthy.
Why do we believe people who barely know us?
Why do we sometimes let rejection sink in and camp out?


I realize now
Letting God clean out the cobwebs is the best kind of spring cleaning.
Forgiveness and forgetting really does the trick.
Those moments may seem like a "duh" to everyone else but they can be so profound.


Leah's new catch phrase-

When life hands you lemons just throw them away.
Don't drink it!





Verse that gives me goosebumps today.

Isaiah 60:1 (Amp)

Arise from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have kept you. Rise to a new life! Shine, be radiant with the Glory of the Lord for your light has come and the Glory of the Lord is upon you.

Perhaps my honesty and open-ness is the thing that some people don't get. But I have to be the person God made me: Compassionate, open, over talkative, goofy & flawed.

- Leah Banicki

Sorrow : Blank Spots

Sorrow is something to avoid.

We all want to escape sadness in any way we can. It's hard to find large stretches of time these days without sewing them back together with tears and prayer. Then the blanks spots show up where you feel like normality struck and you plan an evening as a family... american idol sounds fun and how about... "Booboo and Jonny come over to watch" is lingering on my lips.

Mourning the loss of my daughter's soccer coach and my Dad's adventure girl, my bible study partner and my Mom's tigger.

It's all feeling a little too real.

Lord please help us.

~Leah

Leah's Prayer

Prayer to my Abba: (Father God)

To me You Are...

My heart mender,
My dream maker,
The air I breath,
The music I sing,
The Peace in my confusion,
The author of my 2nd chances,
My reason to dance
The Wisdom when I need it,
The healer of my brokenness,
The Light in my dark places,
The forgiver of my flaws,
The mystery I ponder
The lover of my soul.

I will forever sing your praises.

~ Leah

“I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul will exult in my God; for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness” (Isaiah 61:10).

New Start - Broken hearted

Facing the world ... with a broken body and broken heart. As my family is coming down from the adrenaline of a whirlwind Christmas funeral it's hard to know what to do with myself. With a sprained ankle and bruised/broken tailbone , I know I need to focus on recovery. I am tempted every hour or so to lose my patience with my body. To be so immobile when I am desperate for a distraction is really frustrating.

I take turns praying for people in my life that are hurting, my mom & dad, my brother-in-law, and my brother .

I don't know if God has ever been closer to me. He is breathing for me, I think. My only prayer for myself has been pretty simple. "Oh Jesus please help me!"

Life starts back up tomorrow, husband to work and kid to school. It seems so huge a task but yet so simple.
My first day back to work will be hard, even tho it will be nice to have something to focus on. My sister's Ichat picture will be shadowed. It' s the little things that devastate us sometimes.

Looking forward to finding a song that makes me smile. Looking forward to losing the crutches. Just looking forward....

Leah Ort Banicki

~ Thanks to everyone praying for my family. All the encouraging notes and meals have really helped us through.