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Finding My Place

Spring always feels to me like a new beginning. After spending a year plus in depression, the last two weeks have felt miraculous as I am up and out and panic free (mostly). The huge insurmountable struggles are smaller now and faced day by day as I rediscover my purpose and find my voice.

I have been singing a little every day these last weeks. So much of who I am and my past is made from music and performing and to go a year without it was bizarre and changed me a little. I feel a little dusty. My voice sounds the same but I feel different about it. I guess I always had this magic number in my head that was the end of my singing career because I figured no one would ever take me seriously after I turned thirty. That came and went and I discovered more about my gifts and having so much fun writing and recording on my own that I thought perhaps I was wrong. There is no age limit to talent… Well I am afraid that old lie has snuck back in with a few friends, like insecurity and procrastination.

So here I am with my studio back together and starting on a new simple road. A little insecure and fearful but ready to face the world. I truly don’t know what I would do if God wasn’t with me on this, probably crawl back into a pit again.

It feels good to be honest about where I have been. I know many people have struggles with depression and live to tell about it. Its real and even Christians can be depressed. I learned in recovery that sometimes tragedy happens again and again and some people handle it differently than others. I felt God with me every step of the way, especially in the darkest days early on. He never left my side.

I am on assignment, sing some love songs and begin singing at weddings. I have been doing it for friends and family for years but now it’s a new day. I am trusting in God to help me to know His network is bigger than mine. I am leaning on him and putting my feet on a path to where he sends me. Singing has never paid my house payment before but stranger things have happened. Ready, set, go!

I am also secretly hoping to sing and write again; praying some inspired Christian musicians come my way and want to collaborate. That is truly the most fun thing ever, trust me …creating something from nothing and the harmony it makes is brilliant and magnificent.

Back to recording, friends keep praying for me please.

Leah Banicki