Book 1 Excerpt- Finding Her Way

Book 2 of the series is at the editors, but I wanted to remind people about book 1 if they haven't read it. 

Finding Her Way

by Leah Banicki

  Copyright © 2011, 2012, 2013 Leah Banicki

Wildflowers Book 1 ~

Corinne ~ like a lavender blossom.

A simple pretty flower to the eye but inside it

hides strength and healing.

Part One:

* * * * *

Chapter One

Feb 22 1848 – Boston, Massachusetts

Today she married a stranger. Corinne Temple had accepted and wholeheartedly agreed to marry a man she did not know as an arranged marriage, of sorts. So far Corinne did not like him much. 

Her new husband, Andrew Temple, was a good friend of her father but a stranger to her. He had recently graduated from Harvard Veterinary Medical School. His tall blond good looks were a front, though. After one brief visit and a letter of introduction from her father, which was the extent of their acquaintance, it still wasn’t enough to clue her in to his attitude. Corinne was clueless how to handle him. Her inner fire was snuffed out when he stood near, she was not sure if her immature wit could stand up against his ill-tempered condescension.

 His facial expressions were still unreadable and his demeanor a bit chilly, if Corinne allowed herself an opinion. She had always heard glowing accounts of the Temple family from her father. But he had only mentioned the parents in his conversations. Corinne was going off of old conversations and her remembrance was way off, she mused. No matter what her opinion, she had little choice.  Andrew was her ticket to Oregon so she packed her objections in her satchel and focused on reuniting with her father. He waited for her in Oregon City.

Corinne waited in her Aunt's fashionable 12^th street Boston home. The walls gilded in pinks and golds, great drops of crystal cascaded from the chandeliers, the grand staircase wrapped elegantly around the back and majestically descended into the great hall. Halfway down the stairs there was a great view of the parlor on one side and the ballroom on the other. Artisans from Italy and France laid the exquisite marble floor. The fireplaces designed by a famous stonemason, the iron grates, and tools imported from the best artists and craftsmen from around the world. Few houses in Boston could boast of finer rooms or impressive displays of wealth. It had been a long while since it even fazed Corinne. This place did not look like a prison, but Corinne had lost her freedom a few years ago when she tied her first whalebone corset around her petite frame. The grandeur came at a price.

The servants scurried around her as she followed the strict orders of her Auntie Rose.  Corinne's secret name for her was the General as she threw orders at her and the servants, as well as any military men. Corinne grew impatient with waiting and tried to help a few hours earlier. She was reprimanded instantly.

"Corinne, you dishonor the place I have given you in my home, when you insist on acting like the common scullery." Her Aunt said in her usual volume ... Loud!

Corinne stopped helping with the bag organization and resumed her brainless position by the door, and watched her Aunt belittle the help with a feeling of helplessness. She looked about for her lady’s maid, Angela Fahey, for encouragement. She found disappointment; her Aunt had put her lady’s maid to work. Within the hour she was leaving her temporary Boston home and heading out toward the great West with this stranger that was her husband. The Oregon Trail would be months of grueling travel, far removed from her momentary comfort. Corinne was eager to start.

She held her mother's book of psalms and though she did not dare read them in front of her Aunt, she felt a comfort in knowing their words in her heart. The wisdom she gained, daily, helped her. She said a prayer of thanks again and again, that her father had forgiven her outburst from three years before, and was willing to make arrangements for their reunion, it was a miracle to Corinne. She reread the short message she received in September from her father; it was between the pages of her psalms.

Arranged for travel to Oregon. Andrew Temple can marry and escort you. He will contact you.

Andrew sent his calling card the third week of September 1847.  He arrived with a long letter from her father. It proposed a plan of his marrying Corinne and bringing her West. His parents were there already and Andrew was going to work with her father, John Harpole on his ranch.

There were mundane details about breeding stock and ranch issues that did not interest Corinne, but seeing her father’s strong bold handwriting was a comfort. She missed him and would go to impossible lengths to see him again. She would deal with her husband to make amends. I am sure Andrew’s attitude will improve once he gets to know me.

Andrew was a man of few words and unreadable facial expressions. He agreed to see to her safety and marry her in February before they left. He claimed to have classes to attend and was gone after the short meeting. After five months of no word, he sent a telegram saying the wedding was arranged for February 22, at nine a.m. 

The General had been outraged to have a wedding with no fuss, but Corinne stood up to her Aunt and made her realize that this was not a 'social event' but a simple ceremony. Corinne boldly told her it did not concern her.  'Their train would be leaving at two in the afternoon. There was no time for wedding nonsense.' Words had been strained between her and her Auntie the entire week.

She glanced his way a few times during the short ceremony. His height reaching well over six foot and it made her feel tiny. His dark blond curls were peppered with light blond highlights. His lips pressed firmly in a tight line through the entire morning. He barely spoke a word beyond what was necessary.

 The judge came to her Aunt's home and did the service with efficiency. Corinne wore her traveling clothes and Andrew was in a common tweed suit. There was no kiss-the-bride moment.

Corinne was certain it was her wild imagination, but Andrew seemed agitated with her already. She had no idea what he would be so annoyed about in such a short acquaintance. Certainly not the joy of a groom on his wedding day. She nearly laughed but kept her face composed as her Aunt and Husband were glaring at her. It was very disconcerting.

Corinne pulled herself back to the present and began to watch the repacking of her precious medicinal plant oils. She had several small wooden boxes holding her medicines and healing balms to take on the journey and her lady’s maid, Angie, clearly expressed Corinne's desire, to the footmen, that they be packed well. They doubled-checked the packing, when suddenly a small vial of peppermint was dropped and broke, by a servant who would remain nameless, for his protection from my Aunt.  It immediately soaked into the Oriental rug in the grand foyer. Within minutes the smell of peppermint was strong. It made Corinne's eyes water a little but it wasn’t too unpleasant.

Auntie Rose was instantly mortified and declared the stench was giving her fits and a migraine, her goodbyes were brief and she rushed her well-corseted frame up the stairs and into her wing of the house.

If Corinne wasn't leaving today she was confident she would have seen Auntie Rose in a shrieking rage. Auntie would stir the staff into a flurry of activity to get her away to her country home for a stay of a week or more. She was certain to never know but the scene played out humorously in Corinne's imagination.

With a glance at the hall mirror Corinne made sure she was put together. When she looked over her young face she could hear Auntie's voice in her head. "You look like a child with a woman's body." Auntie had a way of saying things that could keep you guessing whether it was an insult or not. Corinne shrugged at her own reflection. Her long brown hair was swept back neatly and her bonnet was simple but fashionable. She would not embarrass herself but cared little for being elaborate for traveling.

Corinne clutched her green silk satchel close to her. "It's the latest fashion!" Auntie Rose would say in her high-pitched voice. Corinne learned long ago to hide her expressions from her Aunt. So many times she wanted to smirk, or roll her eyes at the ridiculous pursuit of what others deemed fashionable. She may look the part of the fashion plate right now but she was still a rancher's daughter at heart. She knew how to ride horses well, tie knots, and break a horse if necessary. She wasn’t a tomboy but had her rough and tumble moments in life. She knew the calluses had faded away over the last three years but the knowledge was still there. Corinne actually enjoyed dressing up sometimes and feeling pretty was always pleasant, but she didn’t care for fashion the way the Boston crowd did. It made her head swim keeping up with 12^th Street crowd. They were all parties, flirting, smoking cigarettes and gossipmongers. She allowed them their pursuits but she had her own goals. 

Corinne's true passion was botany. She learned from her mother and she loved it still. Her three years in Boston she spent as much as possible, in the greenhouses learning and volunteering with the experts. Her mother’s and grandmother’s journals were coming with her; they were her most prized possessions.  Her grandmother, Trudie, studied with the Indian women of the Smoky Mountains and learned many secrets of healing from their women, after earning their trust.  Corinne secretly hoped to do that in the West, finding plants and ointments to help future generations.  Maybe even publish her journals.  Corinne smiled to herself. It was a lovely dream.

"Miss Fahey," Corinne spotted her companion. Despite their cultural and social differences they were the dearest of friends but kept it behind closed doors for the sake of 'house rules' and the taboos of polite society. Auntie was quite stern over any endearments between the two girls. Corinne knew she would never do anything intentional to cause Angela Fahey to lose her good position in the household staff.  Corinne secretly hoped the propriety barrier would lift once they left Boston. She was certain that the road west held many different types of freedom. 

"Is everything at the ready Miss Fahey?" Corinne smiled and reached for the fair-skinned maid. They shared the same excitement, after so many hours together hidden in her room. Months of dreams and hopes for freedom were shared between them.

"It is Mrs. Temple." The new title made Corinne squirm a little. "At this moment the trunks and surplus supplies are being loaded on your travel car, your personal items and trunks are to be packed into our coach.  I have called for it twice. I shall send a footman to see about the delay." Angela's voice was firm with only the slightest hint of her Irish birth.  She was desperate to finish her duties well today.  She knew her own life would forever change once she left this grand home behind.

* * * * *

Angela's own expectations and need for perfection pushed her hard this week with a wedding this morning and all the packing for the trip needed for today, as well. Angela was nearly at her end. Her nerves were weary to the breaking point. The last three days the household had to be run as usual without the head housekeeper, not forgetting the trip planning which was put under Angela's leadership. Corinne's Aunt was a little unmerciful expecting her to handle the packing, wedding, and daily chores. Angela should have anticipated it though. The head housekeeper had a delightful habit of catching her death-of-something when huge events came around. Angela was certain that the housekeeper would rally from her illness just in time for the afternoon train departure. Twenty-hour days put the fifteen-year-old Angela into an emotional daze. Last night after a quick prayer and a long cry she slept like a baby for a few hours, before she was up and going again. She had a beautiful vision of herself on the train, taking a long nap, on a cot. Surely a blanket and the floor would work for her at this point.

Angela took a quick moment to secure her bonnet over her red hair and headed out the front door when she heard the crunch of the carriage wheels as they traveled up the stone road, close to the door. She joined Corinne in the seat of the carriage and let the footmen do their job of loading everything. Angela and Corinne shared a hand squeeze when the carriage finally moved forward toward their future.

* * * * *

The train station was crowded and the footmen struggled to get through the crowds with her luggage. After several minutes of jockeying around the station they found Corinne's husband and they joined him. His cowboy hat sat on his brow and he looked ready to take on the world. Corinne tried to appear friendly when she made eye contact but he looked away. It seemed like he changed his mind and then he spoke.

"Hello wife." A bright smile greeted Corinne as she led her footmen forward. Andrew was truly handsome with dark blond curls and a cowboy hat. His green eyes had a look in them that she just didn’t understand. He was intimidating and confident and he did not seem to be interested in her at all. Corinne told herself to stop being fearful and just to keep thinking about making a good impression.

She smiled but did not know what to say, her mind empty. A thin man with short brown hair and a serious face walked up silently and stood next to Andrew. Corinne wondered why he was there.

Andrew noticed her perusal. "This is my man, Reggie. If you need me and can't find me tell him, he will always know where I am."  He gave Reggie's shoulder a tap and pointed and Reggie took the satchels sitting on the ground, and headed into the traveling car next to them. Corinne wondered if his job was also to be mute.

Corinne's luggage was loaded and she checked inside her handbag with a sweep of her hand. Everything was there, money, mints, small brown bottle of lavender, a pocket watch and a small sewing kit. She had plenty of money sewn into her clothing, hidden in her luggage, and stuffed into book pages. Andrew insisted that she needed for nothing and should not buy anything. Her mother taught her that a woman should always be prepared for the worst. A girl should have the means to support herself in case there was trouble.

Corinne thought about the long days ahead. She longed to see her father again but almost dreaded it too. Three years was a long separation and she had changed a lot since her days on the ranch in Kentucky. His letter said he wanted to meet her in Oregon but would the disappointment still linger between us?  It would be months before she would know.  I should focus on getting the first part of the trip traveled successfully. Corinne told herself.

It would take four weeks or more of train and coach rides to reach the Missouri river. Four weeks with a stranger. Corinne had no idea what she would discuss with Andrew but she would work on being friendly. I should try to stop being intimidated. Foolish girl!

* * * * *

Corinne stopped her inner dialogue and let the golden-haired Andrew lead her up the stairs in the traveling car. With a great blast the train whistle blew and the conductor yelled for the passengers to board. Andrew had her arm and helped her up the steps. She was very aware of his hand on her arm. She glanced his way briefly and he was looking at her distractedly. Maybe he was nervous about spending the long ride with a stranger, also. Do men get nervous too? She looked back at her feet but her grin was hard to hide.

The train car was comfortable, with soft seats, a dining car and two separate rooms with beds. He arranged everything. He obviously got what he wanted. He acted like a force to be reckoned with. She tried not to think about the wifely expectations but was ready to face that reality if need be. She was secretly hoping to get to know him a little better first. She whispered a prayer for strength inside her head and stared out the window seeing nothing for a while.

The newly married couple sat quietly for nearly an hour watching the train leave the station and then the city rushing by.  Andrew rang the bell and within a moment he ordered tea.

The tea was served a few minutes later and Corinne desperately searched her mind for something to discuss with Andrew. The landscape out the window was unremarkable and with their own private car, they were not able to see the other passengers. Corinne absently wondered if reading a book during tea was rude. Her manners finally kicked in and she did what had to be done. She stopped avoiding her husband and thought of a question to ask.

"Andrew, I was wondering if you have any hobbies." Corinne sipped her tea and put on her bravest smile. It sounded silly to her once it was said but there was no taking it back. She just tilted her head and looked him in the eye.

Andrew met her gaze and smiled. "Well, I do believe college was my hobby I suppose." He laughed and his green eyes looked bright for a second. "I still feel a little strange after three months to be actually finished. Six years of my life was spent at Harvard." He paused and stopped smiling.  "Well child, I suppose you can't understand. Six years ago you were eleven." He took a sip of tea himself and reached for a pastry.

Corinne blinked... wondering what happened. She tried again. "Do you plan on opening a vet clinic in Oregon City?" Corinne felt good for making a second effort toward conversation.

"I will help your father with his breeding stock and perhaps head to California to see what the competition is up too. I know you have your 'prodigal daughter' plans but some of us have to work. I may or may not settle in Oregon at all."

She had to work hard at not rolling her eyes. She felt like a stranger was scolding her and she was trying not to resent it. He wasn’t playing nice. She thought.

"I want you to be clear on my intentions. I have married you as a favor to your Father. His influence over my getting into Harvard was the best gift anyone ever gave me. I will gladly help you re-unite with him in Oregon, but,” He took a breath. “I will be getting an annulment when we arrive. I have no intentions of us being in a marriage in any other way than in name only. I have no need for marriage now in my life. I do not mean to be impertinent. "Halfway through the speech he stopped looking at her, opened a newspaper, and began idly flipping through pages.

An annulment… Corinne’s mind was jumbled with the implications. No long-term plan, no stuck in a loveless marriage. She was trying to keep her face impassive but she wanted to cheer. She almost laughed.

Andrew was staring at her trying to gauge her reaction. He seemed so grumpy. Perhaps he wanted a response.

“I understand, once we are across you will file for an annulment.” Corinne stated simply, hoping her voice wouldn’t crack.

“Good girl.” Andrew said and opened his paper.

Corinne realized just then she couldn’t be insecure with this man or he would run over her. He was a General, too. As my mother would say...Out of the frying pan then eaten by the dog!

* * * * *

In the next room Angela was busily preparing the sleeping car. It had two beds and would be her and Corinne's quarters for two weeks.  Angela would find out whether Corinne preferred the top bunk or bottom bunk. Angela put three traveling suits in the tiny wardrobe and then hung the rest of her dresses in the next car where the luggage, trunks, and supplies were stored. There were hanging racks and space for a washtub and all the cleaning supplies, Angela would need these on this trip. Traveling and keeping Corinne's clothes clean was her duty. She did not intend to let her mistress be shamed in front of her new husband.

* * * * * * 

You can find the rest of Finding Her Way on ebook and print book on Amazon.

 

Book 2 - 

Angela's Hope is coming in Fall 2013

To find out more about my books 

and writing you can visit - https://www.facebook.com/Leah.Banicki.Novelist

New Author - Dos and Dont's

Leah Banicki - 

Author, graphics design, book formatting and computer guru. 

In the editing process of self-publishing my third book, Angela's Hope.

I have helped publish 17 books for myself and clients.

* * *

A few things I have learned along the way, from my mistakes and some shared from authors I have known.

If you have a book published the one guaranteed thing you will hear from a lot of people is..."I have always wanted to write a book."

My number 1 Do  - Write the book. One day at a time. Get the discipline to get the words on the page. Whether it's a good idea or not let the words start flowing. The rewrite is where you clean it up. JUST WRITE!
National Novel writing month, called Nanowrimo,  is a good community and a great way for a budding author to get a swift kick into writing. http://nanowrimo.org/

One thing I have noticed a lot of in the world of self-publishing is some BAD book covers.
My Number 1 Don't - Don't go cheap on the book cover!

This mistake I have learned the hard way. Do get an editor. I am not made of money. This economy has put a hurt on my bank account. I understand all the excuses. I am living them. I bartered and begged and made my first published book from a laughingstock to a book that people are buying consistently. The first release was a shambles of messy past and present tense... I was a fool and learned my lesson. I don't know if any book is 100% perfect but we can all try and put the best book out there that we can.

The editing process is a nightmare for most writers and we have similar dread for the rewrite process. The one thing that is the most common for author when the book is ready is the hurry up phase. It never EVER works out well when you rush it. Don't rush the rewrite! It needs to spend time away from you with an editor or beta reader. It will give you space from the dreaded burnout. Trust me the burnout of editing is mean and has a big, fat headache attached to it. 
While your book is out of your hands - Do start the next book. You need the new inspiration to keep the "gotta publish the book at lightning speed" feelings away. 

  My next piece of advice is to slow down and don't panic. By the time you have your book in the editor's hand and the list of to-dos gets to be this stressful knot in your stomach. You have the visions of huge royalty checks in your mind and you want to freak out cause it's taking SO LONG!!!! Breath, take a walk, and recharge your batteries. Authorship is a marathon, not a sprint. The reason it needs time is because the mistakes are there. The ones you don't want the readers to see. The goofy fact that you changed the character's eye color mid-way through the book, or your research was a little off, or you have 2 chapter 14s. 

For publishing there are some great places for a writer to go. Check out Createspace.com if you do not have a personal fortune to order your own warehouse of books. That way a poor girl like me can order 1 book or 200 printed copies and pay the same price for each book. It also gets you on Amazon.com and all the other popular book hangouts online. It's a great way to get your foot in the door. Using a secondary publishing house can cost a lot of money and the book ends up costing a lot more for you to make any profit.  If you have a personal fortune then you are in luck. :) 



Once you think your book is perfect, send it to someone else to read again! Beta readers are 100% necessary. Remember all those goofy mistakes... There are still a few lurking in there. 

Do publish in print and ebook format. Kindle Direct Publishing is by far the best sales I have had to date. I use the KDP select program for the advertising but it's is a personal choice for every author. My second favorite is Smashwords.com. It is an author's friend, getting your book published easily to many markets, Sony, Apple iBooks, and many more. Don't skimp on the research. Always read the fine print when publishing with any company. It's your book, you should be making the majority of the profit. This is the new age of publishing when the author gets paid. 
When it comes to marketing read everything you can about it. Lots of authors have blogged on the subject. I promise you will get plenty of great ideas. 

Make an Author Page  - Here is mine as an example. https://www.facebook.com/Leah.Banicki.Novelist  
It is very important to have a separate page from your main facebook personal page. You want a place that is just about your writing. That and your fans don't have to read about your favorite sandwich and your kid's pictures. This author page represents your professional writing business and is a fantastic tool to get more readers. Put this author page as a link in every book, blog and email. Invite people to send their thoughts about your book there. The more people are talking about your book the more their friends and their friend's friends will see it.

Do tweet! Twitter is a growing, massive marketing extravaganza. Learn some lingo, hashtag it up and get the buzz started about your book. I absolutely love seeing that someone actually tweeted about me or my books. Free advertising. Self-publishing is all about word of mouth. 

Be patient about sales. Some months are great with sales, some are not. It has an ebb and flow. As people get to know you and your work it will sell. If it stays slow forever then you need to rethink pricing. Giving your book away for free is a great way to get the ball rolling. I have a nifty trick for doing that. Feel free to contact me on facebook and I will gladly share my tips, no charge. :)
https://www.facebook.com/Leah.Banicki.Novelist

Pricing for self-published authors should stay low in my opinion, with 4.99 being a max for a while. You want readers, and unless you are paying for major ads, no one knows you yet. We are on our own for now. Ask your friends and family for shares, likes, tweets and reviews. You gotta start somewhere. Don't be obnoxious and spam, though. There is a fine line between marketing and getting your facebook page blocked from all your friends.  

Get on Goodreads.com. The book giveaways are a great and cheap way to advertise your book. You need to have a copy or two of the print book to mail to the winner but you can get a lot of interest in your novel. Goodreads is a very active website. Readers Unite!!

I want to end with an encouragement to you. Just keep writing. I never thought someday I would have a book series and be helping authors with their books, but I am doing it. A small town girl, that always filled up notebooks with scribblings full of nothing. Then one day it was something. 

Good luck on your writing journey! 

 
 The list!

Do
Write the Book!
Get an Editor!
Start the next book! 
Slow down! 
Check out Createspace.com! 
Send the book to more readers, again!!!
Do publish in print and ebook format!
Find out how to market your book!
Make an Author Page on Facebook! 
Tweet. Twitter and books are friends!
Be patient about sales!
Goodreads book giveaways!
Keep on writing!

Don't
Don't go cheap on the book cover!
Don't rush the rewrite!
Don't panic!  
Don't skimp on the research!
Don't be obnoxious and spam!

To find out more about any part of the publishing process go to. https://www.facebook.com/Leah.Banicki.Novelist - I love to help people. Feel free to ask away. 

Are you an Author and want to share more dos and dont's?  Please feel free to email me at Leahsvoice(at)me.com. I will gladly add more to this and give you credit and link to your site, blog and/or author page. 

 

A Nod to Jane Austen

Just read an article about "The art of Storytelling" and one piece of advice was to take apart a favorite part of a movie or book and tear it apart.

Why do I love it so much, or why does it tug at my heart strings even after I have seen or read it so many times?

There is a a scene in Sense and Sensibilty where Mr. Willoughby, at the end of the movie, realizing he lost Marianne Dashwood forever. His mistakes and sins led to his own unhappiness.

Now we may have all enjoyed looking at Willoughby, for he was a fine specimen on the outside,  but his devious and malicious character was his undoing, and the undoing of others.

In real life don't we want those that have hurt us to feel a twinge of regret for what that have done to us? It doesn't always happen but I do have a bittersweet feeling watching Willoughby ride off on his steed after hearing the church bells of Marianne's wedding to a man who truly loves her. 


I realized while writing my book Runner Up I had a character that messed up. (No spoilers, I hope.) And like Willoughby had to face his own sins and fess up and face the music of his own making.

My book is set in modern time but I have the deepest respect for Jane Austen and her writing in Sense and Sensibility. The theme travels beyond the 19th century and into our lives. Where we face betrayal, love and loss.

Jane Austen, thank you for inspiring me.

Leah Banicki


 Runner Up - on Kindle

Currently listening to Sense and Sensibility on audiobook. I highly recommend it.

Path to a dream

Had an interesting and motivating talk with my 13 yr old daughter today about dreams.

"We all have dreams." I explained. "But some people choose to pursue them, and some people don't."

I come from a motivated family. Entrepreneurs and out-of-the-box thinkers and it might be a bit intimidating to a 13 year old being compared to a full-grown adult's ambition.  But she still does have dreams.

She is right at that age... between 12 and 95, the funny in-between age and it is a challenge to decide who exactly she wants to be. She knows what she wants and we adults all have our ideas for her on how to get there, but... and it's a big one. How much does she want to get there?

There are so many lovely distractions for us all these days but how much are they helping or hindering us? I have dozens of research books and websites to comb through for my research for the book I am working on but have to remember to be balanced about the write vs. research teeter-totter. Otherwise I totter toward student and lean away from the writer.

For her the balance of social, TV,  school and such leaves spare time. How does she use that spare time? She does a lot of great things, but she also does some useless things too. We all do. There are few things we all could trim off the agenda for the day that wouldn't do us any harm.

 I asked - Are you giving enough moments 

everyday to your dream? 

The question produced an interesting answer. She answered an emphatic. "No" Then grimaced. She didn't like her own answer.

She got right to work on her dreams activity list. I was proud of her. It takes a lot to admit to having a fault in any area and I appreciated her openness to share what she really wants.

It gave me a lot to think about today for myself. I am pretty motivated at the moment toward my goals and have my own bad days of distraction or complete roadblocks that make me stumble toward my goals.

I know I need to keep my goals and dreams in my path daily to keep moving forward. While I still draw breath I must be what God made for me to be.

Hoping to pass that legacy on to my daughter.

by Leah Banicki

Doubts

We all like to label ourselves, with our professions and hobbies. It used to be the way people were named in some societies. My mother has a friend with the last name Wagonmaker. Not much of a stretch to guess what her ancestors were doing.

Maybe it's part of the creative persons persona but I have struggled over the years with who I am exactly. 

Singer, writer, geek are just a few of my labels. The pages would fill up with all the words I have to describe myself, some to flatter myself, others to be harsh. I am my own worst critic. I have had some evil critics in my day but none are worse than the doubter in my own head.

On the verge of releasing a new project and really dragging my heels on the final steps.  I take turns giving myself pep talks and find myself tiring of it. There is no more time to talk. It's time to move. 

I know I am not alone in this, I am sure of it. Stepping back into my own discipline and going to set the doubts aside. Back on the path, going to finish one step at a time. 

So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. - Galations 6:9 (The Message)

Online at: https://www.facebook.com/Leah.Banicki.Novelist